While watching TV, I received an SMS from an online friend (yes, this is a person I know from the internet; met only once as he is in Penang).
The SMS are as follow:-
“I don’t believe in friendship. The word ‘friend’ and ‘friendship’ shouldn’t exist. People become selfish nowadays… We can use ‘friend’ to fulfill our social needs but don’t expect more from them. We should erase the word ‘friendship’ and ‘friend’ from our mind.”
“Everyone was like that, and if you don’t act like one too, you wouldn’t survive, frustrated, regret. Believe me. It’s hard to find a person who you can rely on when you need help, when you are sad. They will be adding more to your problem. I don’t know what to replace the word ‘friend’ with, the word’s concept is just not right nowadays. We still can use that word but with a different concept.”
He was hurt by something a close friend of his (who is in the same course as he is) did to him. The close friend was too selfish. This online friend of mine help that guy a lot, but when he needs help, the guy just acted dumb and refused to help saying it had nothing to do with him. So, my online friend felt that the guy had always used him for his own benefit.
I wonder whose fault is it.
According to somebody (let’s call him Mr. X), Mr. X would say the problem is not with the guy, but with my online friend. His rational to the matter would be:- The problem arose because my online friend was too kind, keep offering help to that classmate, hence, giving the classmate the opportunity to take advantage of his kindness and always seek help from my online friend. Hence, in the end my online friend is hurt when he noticed the guy will not help him when he needs assistance. According to this Mr. X, my online friend shouldn’t have always offer help to this classmate and be so kind and nice to him, then all this betrayal wouldn’t have happened at all.
Mr. X would emphasize that my online friend’s gesture of kindness is the real problem which attract others to use and betray him.
What do you guys think of this Mr. X’s opinion?
The SMS are as follow:-
“I don’t believe in friendship. The word ‘friend’ and ‘friendship’ shouldn’t exist. People become selfish nowadays… We can use ‘friend’ to fulfill our social needs but don’t expect more from them. We should erase the word ‘friendship’ and ‘friend’ from our mind.”
“Everyone was like that, and if you don’t act like one too, you wouldn’t survive, frustrated, regret. Believe me. It’s hard to find a person who you can rely on when you need help, when you are sad. They will be adding more to your problem. I don’t know what to replace the word ‘friend’ with, the word’s concept is just not right nowadays. We still can use that word but with a different concept.”
He was hurt by something a close friend of his (who is in the same course as he is) did to him. The close friend was too selfish. This online friend of mine help that guy a lot, but when he needs help, the guy just acted dumb and refused to help saying it had nothing to do with him. So, my online friend felt that the guy had always used him for his own benefit.
I wonder whose fault is it.
According to somebody (let’s call him Mr. X), Mr. X would say the problem is not with the guy, but with my online friend. His rational to the matter would be:- The problem arose because my online friend was too kind, keep offering help to that classmate, hence, giving the classmate the opportunity to take advantage of his kindness and always seek help from my online friend. Hence, in the end my online friend is hurt when he noticed the guy will not help him when he needs assistance. According to this Mr. X, my online friend shouldn’t have always offer help to this classmate and be so kind and nice to him, then all this betrayal wouldn’t have happened at all.
Mr. X would emphasize that my online friend’s gesture of kindness is the real problem which attract others to use and betray him.
What do you guys think of this Mr. X’s opinion?
3 comments:
♥ Can't give any opinion either whose fault whose right since i don't really know the whole situation.. How's ur online help gives help..? And what help ur online friend actually needs..? and the real reason ur online friend's friend rejected to help etc...
♥ Sometimes, it is depends on how much u help someone or in other words the "degree"..
♥ actually there's time Im kinda sick of one of my friend due to some reason..
♥ She is being TOO helpful and OVER caring..
♥ and at the same time i didn't ask for any help, and i keep rejecting her offers but she insists wanna help.. okie, i let her then..
♥ And when she has problems i did help her...
♥ Just that, she always expects many things from me..
♥ Like when i go out i MUST at least sms her to ask what she wanna eat and then i SHOULD tapao for her...
♥ Whenever wherever i go out, i SHOULD ask her along..
♥ Whenever she asks questions i must answer in DETAILS and even let her knows i out with WHO etc..
♥ If i didn't do as what she wish, she will just keep mentioning disappointed this and that to me and then argue with me...
♥ Why they wanna makes friendship something like there'r rules like this..? and should i say they makes it like a relationship between "couple" ?
♥ Sometimes i rather don't have this kind of friend...serious...
♥ because she makes friendship complicated and creates unwanted tiff...
♥ makes life difficult...
♥ Btw, this friend of me did said "we break up and end this friendship forever" which personally i think this is quite KIDDO or CHILDISH.. when we argues on something she misunderstands and i already explained to her yet she still being ignorance.. and then comes and apologise to me after that..
♥ What's da point she makes all this out..? Alright, i did forgive her and be friend back with her..
♥ and...she repeated the same thing again !
♥ and guess what..? Im still be friend with her.. and being so patient explaining comforting her when actually i being hurt by her words...
♥ I will never ask to BREAK and END a friendship..
♥ Everyone can be friend, just that the extent of friend different...can be close, can be not close, can be just hi and by friend etc.......
♥ Everyone needs family as well as FRIEND in their life...
♥ Can't give any opinion either whose fault whose right since i don't really know the whole situation.. How's ur online help gives help..? And what help ur online friend actually needs..? and the real reason ur online friend's friend rejected to help etc...
Situation**My friend helps that guy when the guy asked to borrow notes and keep track of the experiments needed for the thesis when he is busy (both of them are UM Biochem students). But when my friend had some urgent matters to do and had to leave the experiment and asked the guy to help stop the experiment when it is done, the guy said it was none of his business.♥ She is being TOO helpful and OVER caring..
♥ Why they wanna makes friendship something like there'r rules like this..? and should i say they makes it like a relationship between "couple" ?
Well supersenior, a relationship is a two way thing between two parties, hence it is totally dependent on the mutual understanding that both parties have, it is only right when both of you agree that it is right.
I do know people around me (They are not classified as my friend, but I know them, as they were my colleagues or classmates) who are extremely kind to others, but they do it for some purpose, which is they assume they will need your help in the future. And obviously, when you do not contribute back in equal portions, they will blame you. {Note: this may not apply to your friend, she may be sincere}
But from your description, I tend to think that she is purposely nice to you so that you will be nice in return. I maybe wrong though!!
As I’ve mentioned earlier, it is only right when both of you say it is. You have labeled the relationship (friendship) that she has with you as ‘lover couple relationship’. Maybe because you feel that only lovers do those things. But for me, I don’t believe even lovers need to do all those. If you are my gf, do you think you have the right to check my SMS and phone calls? Do you think I have the right to monitor your movements? You may say yes. But for me is no.
I’ve seen my friend’s gf taking his handphone to check who he just called and SMS. I’ve seen my friend’s bf calling her every 15min when I went out with her for dinner. I’ve knew this girl for 5 years and the bf only knew her for 1 year. Can’t I just have some peace having dinner with my close friend (my former classmate)?? We made it clear we were classmates and now close friends, did he need to monitor us?? Well, to me, all this are uncalled for, but to my friends, they think it is necessary and it is right to do so. How about you?
I’ve seen my friends quarrel with their bf/gf openly when the other party suddenly took the handphone to check or called to ask where and with who they were with. So this group of people think it is not necessary to do all those things, hence it is wrong to them.
What I’m trying to tell you is, it is all about mutual understanding of what is required in the relationship (friendship). Your friend may think it is needed, hence she is doing it and assumes that you are supposed to response equally, hence she felt the disappointment.
An example, I bought a pack of fruits and I find it tasty, so I bought another pack for my friend waiting for bus at Puduraya. He just took it and ate it without saying a single thing. Why? Because he is ok with that gesture of giving (ok, maybe he should include a Thank You to be polite, but we are so close, that somethings need not be said). But other people would immediately ask how much they need to pay me. Why? Because they think there is no need for me to do such things for them. So? Which is right and which is wrong? Hehe.. Get it? ♥ Btw, this friend of me did said "we break up and end this friendship forever" which personally i think this is quite KIDDO or CHILDISH.. when we argues on something she misunderstands and i already explained to her yet she still being ignorance.. and then comes and apologise to me after that..
♥ I will never ask to BREAK and END a friendship..
Childish or not depends on what is the intention of the proposing party. Sometimes, breaking a relationship need not be said verbally. Have you ever distant yourself from someone else? That can be classified as breaking up relationships too. But this depends on how you define ‘friends’
For me, if I don’t like a person as in the person has no respect for me or does something bad to me or betray my trust etc. I will no longer regard such people as friend. They will be classified as people that I know. Because if you ask me their names, I do know, but I just don’t want to have anything to do with them. So, this is considered as breaking a friendship to me, based on my definition of friends. But of course, this kind of breaking is in bad terms as it happened in a bad way. By the way, I need not tell the person about the breaking part, I just distant myself.
But you have to understand that in life, you will meet many people and there are people who we will no matter how, can never get along with. It is not that we hate each other, it is not that we betrayed each other, but somehow, maybe the mentality is different or for some reason, things just don’t workout. Out of care, I will ‘break the relationship’ too. But I do that because I love/care for the person and I don’t want both of us to be hurt by being together. I would rather let the other person go and be happy with others rather than being with me and both of us aren’t happy. This kind of ‘breaking’ is in good terms. Nonetheless, if the other party still requires my help, I will not hesitate to help. Even though we are no longer together, close with each other, but we still care for each other. Noticed the inverted commas for the word ‘break’? It’s hard to classify this kind of break as you may say I did not break anything at all actually, but then as I said, it totally depends on how you define a relationship.Some ppl would say this is a very selfish gesture,but then,it is really done out of care and love.. depends on how you see it♥ Everyone can be friend, just that the extent of friend different...can be close, can be not close, can be just hi and by friend etc.......
♥ Everyone needs family as well as FRIEND in their life...
The definition of ‘friend’ is very personal, it’s up to you. To me, Hi-Bye people are not my friend, they are just people that I know. Friends are people who care for each other, at least that’s how I classify them. Hehe…Then depending on the degree of care & concern I have the other and the other for me, then they will be further classify as close and bestfriend… How do you class your friends? Hehehe… Must be different right? So, it is totally depending on mutual understanding between both parties and yourself of course… Cheers..
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